Sean Thackrey :: Wine Maker

Sean Thackrey :: Wine Maker

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Stories; this one, another about old ladies with Attitude:

When I was 4, my father took me back to visit family, mainly my paternal grandparents in Kansas, who were pious Methodists in a very small town; in fact, my grandfather was the local minister.
It was the 4th of July; much of the rest of the family was there as well, so I had plenty of little playmates my own age, and we helled around as one might expect; I was particularly entranced that we could set off fireworks such as Roman candles that were strictly forbidden in California.
Understandably, my grandmother wanted to restore order; so she said to us, "Look: you'd better behave & be good: because if you do, you'll see the most surprising thing you've ever seen: and if you don't, you won't!".

We wondered what to do; because we certainly didn't want to be good, but the prospect of the greatest surprise of our lives, short though they'd been at that point, was too tempting to pass up; so we toned it down a lot. But eventually we reminded her that we'd been good as gold & wanted the payoff. She said, alright, come to the back porch, and gather around the bottom of the steps; which we did.

She came out, looking perfectly & normally her gentle grandmotherish self, and asked, well, were we ready; and we said yes.

She reached up, yanked her false teeth out of her mouth, clacked them up and down in her hand like a demented predator, and attacked us down the stairs.

She was and remains entirely right; I've never been so surprised again.

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